Friday, October 26, 2012
it's been a long time
i love blogging. LOVE it. not like. love. and it's been awhile. a very long while. i logged on and it said my last post was january. i wanted to cry. i dream about blogging. ok, not actually dream--but daydream. i'll make a new recipe that i want to share or one of the boys will do something so cute i'll think about blogging about it. then i stop and remember i have a hundred other things to do. ugh. i thought i was a stay-at-home mom. i should be able to find *some* time throughout the day for me--(ahem don't look at my eyebrows) but i hardly ever do. with that said, i hardly find time with my heavenly father. with the exception of talking to him throughout the day. but not like a set time of daily devotion. i'm so guilty.
so where have i been? what in the world have i been doing? well that would be my 'little byrd'. i love photography. even more because i know that God has gifted me with this incredibly awesome talent--that i absolutely LOVE. it fits me perfectly--which is the way He intended of course. sigh. who knew running a business with a husband and two small boys would be so difficult? my business is not huge by any means and to me it is successful. however, i find myself wondering, "what in the world am i doing?" i dream of the days of having a blank calendar. what i would give for that! now there is something written down on every day. it's exhausting to look at most days. so i close it and pray. remember to take one day at a time. and remember to say NO!
saying "no" has been a lifelong struggle of mine. i've always been a people person so that doesn't help. i LOVE my clients. i build relationships with them and am so thankful for meeting them. they are special to me. some of my "clients" have even become friends. and some of my clients already are my friends. and it's weird to call them my clients. most of them have families and busy lives such as mine. it's easy for me to make connections with other people--especially the moms just like me..so moms in general. that's the other part of my job that i love. the people.
the last few month have been so busy. this is a very busy season in my business. but the business has made me realize just how fast time goes. just how important my little boys are to me. just how much i have been neglecting them. typing that makes me almost cringe. and radiate with guilt. but it's true. it's made me realize i've been putting my business first. even though that has never been my intentions. it somehow happened. just like when i make a batch of cookies and say i'm only going to eat 3..yes, i start with 3. then i end up eating..well you get the point! at some point i realized my business was coming first. and that's not going to happen.
so i'm praying to find my balance once more. who knows what the future will hold for my business. i still love doing it and will continue to do so until God tells me otherwise. that's the great thing. i'm not going to stress. i'm going to pray and rely on God. He's the one in control and knows the desires of my heart. and another thing is for sure. i want my boys to know i am there for them whenever they need me. that i love them with my whole heart and would do anything in the whole wide world for them.